Originally published by Debi Silber, 8 October 2018
Have you ever been in a situation like this: you were on the way to getting the job of your dreams, achieving your weight loss goal, or you met the person who really looks like what you’ve been looking for a long time, and somehow you managed to sabotage yourself?
So, why is it that we consciously or subconsciously derail our very best efforts that would help us get what we want? Although some reasons may have to do with fear: the fear of change, fear of being vulnerable, fear of actually succeeding, there are other reasons why we may end up sabotaging ourselves.
Here are 5 things you can do to help you prevent it:
- Ride with the tide and not against it:
Sometimes, instead of going with the flow, we go against it. Our intuition tells us that there may be an easier way, but our minds have convinced us that we know better. Just because something has worked in the past or is working for someone else doesn’t mean that it’s going to work for you in this particular situation. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” when it comes to health, business, or relationships, so going with the flow not only keeps your creative energy flowing, but it also allows you to work smarter not harder. Assuming someone else’s strategies will work for you or that you can count on the same old strategies can be a set-up for disappointment.
Your success is likely to be found in listening to many different types of strategies, synthesizing them all to create your own unique “recipe” for the situation, and then moving towards it daily.
- Stop running enthusiastically in the wrong direction:
One of my mentors said that to me once, and it hit me right between the eyes. When it seems as if every effort is bringing us to a dead end, when we’re met with continual resistance with each attempt, it’s often the Universe’s way of saying, “You’re going the wrong way!” Very often we get subtle little signs that we’re headed in the wrong direction, yetinstead of pausing for a moment to regroup, we interpret the hints to mean that we’re simply not working hard enough. So, what do we do? We dig in our heels in and work twice as hard (I’ve done this so often I can’t even count that high J). Eventually, we may end up changing course, but not until we’ve expended twice as much energy as we needed to, if not more.
People usually see taking time to breathe as wasting time; however, it can actually afford you the opportunity to assess what’s going on, as well as provide us with insights as to how to “regroup”. I have a friend who whenever the answer she’s looking for isn’t clear, she walks away from it. She believes that when she’s away from the challenge, her subconscious mind continues to search for solutions without her mind getting in the way. 9 out of 10 times, she’s said when she returns, with “fresh eyes”, the solution is there- staring right at her.
While many of us (myself included), believe that this approach shows our commitment and determination. Taking a step back reveals a fresh way of looking at the issue that will allow us to work smarter not harder. Success is often found when letting go of what’s not working and allowing the Universe the time and space to redirect our focus and energy.
- Stop forcing and trying to control an outcome:
Having faith and trusting in ourselves and the world around us can be very difficult which is why we love to be in control, but would you plant a seed and keep digging it up to make sure that it is in fact growing? Not only does that sound counterproductive, but it will stop the plant’s development. The same is true about us and our success. Instead of putting in our best efforts, then letting go and allowing the process to unfold, we often try to control the outcome and slow down our own progress. We believe that there couldn’t possibly be a better plan or outcome than the one we want so we don’t allow our efforts to thrive organically.
So, here’s something to consider, what if you let go of the outcome you’re trying to create and trust. Could something so much better than what you’ve imagined emerge? That’s usually what happens when we let go and allow.
- Stop “getting off the highway too soon”:
I have an odd habit of driving somewhere, and if I get the sense that I should have gotten off the exit by a certain time, I’ll get off the next exit regardless of where I am (makes no sense, I know, just being honest). What usually happens is that the exit I needed was the very next one, and if I had just hung in there, everything would have worked out just fine. So, I have to remind myself and my Type A+++ personality (can anyone relate?) to be patient. It’s easy for me to get discouraged and assume that since something isn’t happening on my timeline, that it’s not going to happen at all- even when that could be the furthest thing from the truth. When things aren’t happening according to my timeline, I remind myself to stop “getting off the highway too soon.”
It’s easy to sabotage and betray yourself when you forget that everything happens in Divine time. Have patience…everything you want, or a better version of it, is on its way- even if it feels like it’s taking forever. Stop derailing your success by getting off the highway too soon.
- Stop numbing/distracting yourself and face it instead:
Food, drugs, alcohol, work, TV, keeping busy, along with reckless behavior are all things that we use to numb, avoid and distract ourselves. We often use these things to keep us from facing truths we don’t want to see or deal with. Unfortunately, if we keep ignoring the message we’re supposed to hear, the voice that tells us something needs changing only gets louder, as the stakes get higher.
For example, if it took two cookies to numb the voice, now it takes four. If it used to take one TV show to numb the voice, now you’re binge-watching an entire series. Instead of a glass of wine, you’re drinking two or three. Change is not easy but running from it is actually harder because it will catch up with you at some point.
There is a popular saying that “the pain of the fear of the event is far greater than the pain of the event itself,” and it’s so true. While facing what you’re trying to avoid may lead to temporary chaos, it’s also a sign for growth and change. When you address it, work through it and take the next steps based on what you find, though scary, you’re usually led to a place of strength and empowerment where the success you crave can be found.
Is success in the areas of health, business, relationships, and self-actualization eluding you? Are you betraying yourself with self-sabotage?
Life is all about growth. Where are you’re getting stuck? Let me know, I’d like to help.
– Dr. Debi
Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC, FDN is the Amazon #1 bestselling author of The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Healing Your Body, Mind and Life after a Life Crisis and has created a multi-pronged approach to help women prevent or heal-physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually from a life crisis. Learn more at www.DebiSilber.com.